These are my pants. They are ranting.

Big news, people big news!

Its been a little hectic in the life of the beav.   I haven't blogged about some of it because I'm trying to be responsible and respectful, and do things in a professional manner -- so I may blog later.   But not quite yet.

I can say the following though:

• my position has been eliminated from my team at work and another one in the same org wasn't offered, so I was sort of given this great opportunity to choose what I wanted to do.  I chose not to find another job in the same company that I have been incredibly frustrated by and instead chose to chill out.   Defrost?  Detox is more like it.   I am going to do a lot of soul cleaning and re-arranging this summer and it's going to bubble up something wonderful, I know it.
• I am moving in with the boy, and after being dicked around for a solid week, we finally were able to sign the lease on it.   It should be noted that NYC rental brokers are animals without feelings.   Like wolverines, just snarling and ripping at your esophagus and laughing the whole time.   We landed a beautiful place in the East Village on a quiet street in a sweet ass neighborhood - it's big, it has huge windows that look out on the garden (so I see trees!!) and it's going to be the best little den of sin this city has ever seen.
• I honored my over the border friends by getting a stress relieving Brazilian today.  Needless to say, the other beav is out there and ready to rock.

Big days, right?

A rolling beav gathers no moss

I'm learning to rollerblade.   I'm letting the boy teach me.   If you know anything about me, teaching me a skill requiring physical coordination is not fun.   If I don't get it, I

• throw a toddler type fit
• yell at you
• verbally abuse strangers
• possibly cry
• definitely give up

Not so this time around!   The boy and I went to the Hudson River Park over yonder, strapped out rollerblades on and after a few screams, squeals, heated "get back here I can't stop!!!"s, and only one "I don't want to do this, I want to go home", I was weaving down the riverside.   I am still afraid of the speed, for sure, I have no idea how to stop, and I have the typical beginner's grabbing-for-something-to-help-me-stop scramble, but

I
HAD
FUN

It was fun, it really was!  The boy survived with only minor verbal contusions, and I felt like I finally found a physical activity I might end up being good at.  And something I can do with the boy.   It was fun.

I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Where do I start where do I begin?

So much is happening.  June is going to be the most frightening, exciting, new month in my entire life to date.

No doubt.

OOCH OOCH OOCH!!!

I want to blog about something SO BAD.  But the boy said "one thing at a time...."

I'll give him this little thing :)

Meatloaf is stuck in my garbage can

Not the overweight scrambly singer type feller, the four legged furry pooping on your counter kind (hmm, actually, minus 2 legs and it could still be that singing guy).  All I hear is a flipping and flopping and angry gnawing.   I went next door and made a boy come over and kick my cans (enjoy that one Roo and Darren), but no mouse.   Frickin as soon as that boy left?  flopping. Angry tossing and flopping.   I keep hooting:

MOUSE!!!!!!

really loud.  That works for 15 minutes and he starts up again.   So I keep just yelling

MOUSE!!

Without a doubt the neighbor boy still thinks I'm nuts, and this mouse thinks I'm an asshole.

I know I've done things right

In the past year or so I've been told how there are so many things I do wrong.   The way I talk, dress, have my hair, write, and smile (as in, not fakely holding it long enough I guess).   I've altered a few things to get people to shut up and stop making me constantly on a day to day basis feel like a complete failure at life and work.   Some of the things I altered because I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to polish it up a little.   I haven't changed how I treat people, how I talk to people.    That doesn't mean I'm a sweet littl e muffin to everyone.    No, what it means is that I'm genuine.    If I am irritated with someone, they know it.  If someone is being an asshole, they don't deserve to be treated to smiles and favors.   And it has worked.  And it will continue working.   I am able to hold my head up high and say that I have treated people in a way that I do not regret.   But for a few instances, I wouldn't change my behavior or attitude towards anyone in the past year and a half.   And I can say that because the people who support me, the people who are being honest with me and holding me up right now are quality.   They are amazing, they are impressive, they are trustworthy, and most of all they are genuine.

In a tough spot right now I am wet in the eyes happy to say I am touched by my people.   I am moved and honored to know them.   I can trust and be trusted.   

And I can pick and choose, and that feels magnificent.

Starbucks strikes again

So, the weekend with the boy continued.  We had a full day of running and doing the situp challenge, and grabbing healthy type lunch food.   We took showers with the intent of hitting the Brooklyn Bridge, but it was fruitless because the sun sets so f ing early.   We decided to just walk around.  We walked into the lower west and over into the center of downtown and I felt a little...

CRRRUNNNNGGGTH

in my lower... abdomen.

"[insert boy's name here], I can't tell if my abs hurt or if I have to poop"

The confusion was cleared up when my sphincty sounded the alarm.   I was close to cotton and we had to find a Starbucks stat.   Even in the post holiday warmth, Sbux toilet was the most popular toilet in the village (why back in the Village again?  To find Starbucks).   Learning from my mistakes, I grabbed a handful of napkins on the way in and stood in line.

And waited.    Two women gabbed and gabbed in front of me.  The door opened.  A woman stepped out and said to the women in front of me:

"There isn't any toilet paper"

One woman skittered off to retrieve her handsome reward.  I stood smugly in the safety of my own stash.  It was FINALLY my turn.  And of course, when I flushed, the toilet was already annoyed with the thick brown napkins that had replaced the mousefart thin toilet paper and wouldn't flush completely.   I washed my hands and darted out of the joint lest anyone run after me and accuse me of glogging.

On the way home I looked at the boy and I said,

"do you realize we just went out so I could poop in public?"

Sunrise Sunset

I woke up sweating this morning.   Not because of a bad dream or a fever, but because at 10:45am in Manhattan it was already 68 degrees.   What the....?

I slept so hard last night - FINALLY (probably because I got some hot bonin FINALLY) so when I woke up I had the sloppiest sleep mouth in ages.   The boy immediately looked over at me and said

"I want Canadian Bacon".

So we went to Food Emporium in t shirts and me in flip flops - and EVERYONE was out.  People were jogging in pairs, people were strolling, people were standing on corners talking about last night in the bright sun and warm wind.   We walked by Sammy's Noodle Shop and I said

"I want to eat there soon, I always walk by and there are people of all shapes and sizes.. sitting around and.. eating noodles."

We grabbed eggs, Canadian Bacon, orange juice, and some normal bacon for the freezer and headed home.

"This morning I woke up and thought 'you know, cabbage patch kids made it ok for kids too old to have dolls to have dolls" - me
"hmm." - the boy

After we ate breakfast and had some coffee, we watched about 8 episodes from the Exercise on Demand Channel (the "Girls Next Door" set is entertaining as hell) and got sneakered up and went to the West Side to jog in the Hudson River Park.   I didn't last long jogging, but that's because I haven't jogged in awhile and the boy's legs are longer than mine so I was going at a faster clip than I'm comfortable with.   We did walk fast and then jog and then walk fast and then stroll on the way back.   The sun was blinding so it was hard to see her, but the Statue of Liberty looked like she was even basking in this unseasonably GLORIOUS day.

Gay dudes were snuggling all over the grassy spots, kids were running up and down the path, and I think the people pushing strollers may have been the moms and NOT the nannies.   Three boys were throwing a football around and as we closed in on the location for our "sit up challenge" we passed two guitarist strumming what sounded like a little Spanish duet.

The sit up challenge: I declare it a tie!   Exercise is so much more fun when you have someone to tell you what to do and do it with and just sort of pal around with.   I gotta say... crunches make me horny.

Anyway, the boy is shaving his head now and we're about to head to the Brooklyn Bridge for what I call "hot dog sunset."  I wanted nothing more to do this weekend than go to the Brooklyn Bridge and catch the sun setting with hot dog in hand.  Now I think I might want to switch it up and walk the bridge, catch the sun setting... and EAT SOME PIZZA!

What happened to 2006??

Yesterday the boy and I were talking about vacations and weddings.  OUR vacations and OTHER PEOPLES' weddings, thank you very much.   Two of his very close friends are getting married within three weeks of each other and one of the weddings is in Puerto Rico, which I'm soiling myself with excitement about.    Of course, money, or lack thereof in my case, comes up.   We go to OCean City ever end of summer (and by "every" I mean in the two years we've been together) and I kind of like our little tradition... but it might not be possible this year.    I'm digressing, did you see that?  I'm so quick.   what I mean to say is that when talking about the summer we both gacked at how fast summer 2006 went by... and then how fast the rest of the year went.  Where did it all go?  Why did this year go so fast?   It's freakin nuts.  When time goes by so fast I become very conscious of the things I meant to accomplish but didn't.   In order not to feel like such a failure I need to recognize how slowly I accomplish things.   Because really , it's not that I DON'T accomplish things.. it's that they come into being at a slug's pace.

What about 2007?  I could predict what will happen in the year to come, but I can honestly say I'd rather be surprised.  Only because that's what has worked for me since I decided to move to NYC.  Everything came as a surprise (some may say fate) and you know, I think I'm going to stick to that method.   It works. 

And if it ain't broke, don't ass rape it, that's what granny always said.

Columbus Day Parade, NYC

I'm off to the parade shortly.    I took a bit of a personal day to regain my sanity (the big business I work for doesn't give it off) and going for a run as well as attending the parade will help me realign my synapses.

It will also get me away from this car alarm that keeps going off (though, when I walk by, I may shit on the hood), and kickstart my "GET HEALTHY FOR REAL!!!" campaign.

I mean it this time.  The boy doesn't believe me.