I'm not religious. So I don't really believe in blessings. I'm a huge believer in fate and karma. What goes around comes around, what you give out comes back to you, and everything happens for a reason. Sounds schmaltzy and syrupy to some and may even sound like a cracked interpretation of religion to others - then so be it. I'll call it what I want, you call it what you want. As long as neither of us kills the other for it, we're all good.
So, it was a blessing in disguise last night when the Lindsay Lohan masterpiece "Just My Luck" wouldn't load on On Demand. For more reasons than one, I'm sure. It was also a blessing in disguise that my order from Two Boots Go West was a sloppy mushpile. And, it was also a blessing in disguise that I am not feeling well at all. Why? Let me break it down for you (assumptions you need to make: I am trying to lose weight, drink less, and be more healthy. And for some reason, I always say "OK, this is the LAST _____ I will order/eat/do before I get healthy." Got it? OK, then we can move on)
- Blessing in disguise #1: I'm not feeling well: this forced me to stay in instead of going out dancing, which means I'm feeling spry and not hungover today. It did, however lead me to order wine by delivery (why, because if I have it delivered, in my twisted mind, I didn't go out and GET IT, it CAME TO ME! I felt so crappy I coudn't drink it. So I had guilt that I just dropped this money, poured a big glass of wine and basically stuck that money up my butt, to be lost forever. This also led me to blessing #2
- Blessing in disguise #2: My order to Two Boots shows up, after once again the place calls me to verify my card # and it's totally wrong (dude, I ordered it on delivery.com and it's PRINTED OUT, you can't possibly GET IT WRONG), the guy is late and stupid looking, and the pizza is nastola lukewarm. I open the box to let my best friend out, and as I grab the congealed lukewarm piece, half of it stays in a gummy pile in the box because the crust is slimy, undercooked, and still in dough form. PISSED. So what do I do? Chuck the whole damn thing in the garbage. More money down the drain. Now I'm TRULY disapointed in my lack of willpower and total inability to just eat what's in the fridge -- which saves, not wastes, money
- Blessing in disguise #3: "Just my Luck" won't load. I choose to watch "Supersize Me" on TNT. Holy SHIT. Two things will result from this. I will either never eat again or I will never eat total crap again. I don't eat fast food to begin with, but I do eat a lot of crap. And anyone who is intelligent will see that Supersize Me wasn't about McDonalds being the home of the devil (although the artwork with demonized Ronald McDonald were clever and frightening as all get out), it's about the health of Americans, the shit state of school lunches, and the control that big fast food business has over a buttload of touchpoints... more influence points than parents have themselves. Big Tobacco isn't the only pedophile out there, people. Anyway -- any time you eat out you're not eating in a healthy way, even when it's salads. But man do I love to go out to eat. Anyway, I am inspired. I am going to put in a concerted effort to not eat CRAP. I don't think it will be too hard this time around, mainly because I don't want to see my body on an expose about fat Americans with the rectangular censor bar over my eyes. I'm pretty sure in my current state I'm well on my way.
So there you have it. A night of three blessings... in disguise no less. I have to say, Morgan Spurlock is a drama queen. I mean, come on, there is one scene where he says "I'm dying". We've all said that after gorging on pasta and underbaked cookies, but it's never on tape, taken as a documentary style truth about fastfood, and it doens't have Nestle Tollhouse under the gun. I took it for what it was worth, which is what intelligent people do anyway.
I guess I should go clean my room. Because OH! I forgot Blessing in diguise #4! Meatloaf the apartment mouse made an appearance, which prompted me to bleach the hell out of this place, and I'll be vacuuming the crap out of every inch of my teeny tiny living space.
