These are my pants. They are ranting.

McDonalds is the bomb! For doody!

"Ok, yeah, I'm nearing panic poop mode" - me, clenching my legs and ass and practicing controlled breathing in the Nestea mobile

"Are you sure?  I mean, I can stop, but if you can hold it for an hour, we're golden" - Nestea.

"I think I can hold it" - I said through a locked jaw

**** minutes pass *****

"Yeah... I think I got one touching cotton" me... sweating

"Oh shit" - Nestea, as we zoom by a cop, "I have to go a little slow right now to stay out of the way of johnny law"
This translated to me as "I have to slow down so you can shit your pants in my car".

The exit is looming, my sphincty was blooming.   We pull into McDonalds and it was like the kingdom of heaven had opened up and it was full of clean white toilets, ready for #2.

I hopped out of the car while it was still moving, nearly ran over someone who escaped from the geriatric ward, and ran to the bathroom.

It was beautiful.   One person, locked door, single stall.  My own private meditation room.   

I skipped happily up to the Nestea mobile and chortled gaily:

"I feel like a new woman"

True Romance

Wait for it....

[Beav]       mood is a weird thing, isn't it

[teabag]    sure as hell is

[Beav]       like, I just re-fell in love with Bright Eyes, and it all has to do with mood.  Haven't listened in awhile, like a long time, and now I'm feeling a little squiffy, doing something really tedius and I just put him on, and I'm like "man, why haven't I listened for so long?"

[teabag]     oh shit, talk to [teabag's girlfriend here] about that, she flips her shit for bright eyes

[beav]        I know this, I love that girl.  She's so multifaceted.  And I mean that-- there is a lot in there, as I'm sure you know.

[teabag]     yeah she's the shit, not the smelly kind either.  I should have written that in the valentines card.

[beav]        Maybe the kind of smelly shit you're proud of  :-)

[teabag]     Thats romantic as hell!

[beav]        totally

[teabag]     If she's the smelly kind then she's the unrivaled-most-smelly-shit-ever kind that i can talk about for years to come.

[beav]        I have to poop now

[teabag]     I wish i did

Hairbands

A really feces level (as in, very close, we talk about poop) friend of mine and I IM at work about nothing and everything.  And sometimes, the things we talk about sound like band names.  Like this one:

• paper thin vagina