These are my pants. They are ranting.

Where do I start, where do I begin?

Today was a day I plan to only have one of.   Factor woke me up at 8:00am and asked "do you want to get up?"  i slopped and slobbered, I felt the awake feeling behind my eyes - and then I felt the pillow and I thought "fuck it, I'm sleeping"  so I said "yup" and he left the room.   So I fell back to sleep.

Around 930AM I felt like I had to pee.  so I got up, peed.  And while peeing I thought "stay up, don't go back to sleep".   so, I got off the toilet, went into my room, and went back to sleep.

Around 11:30AM I felt like I had to pee, but I denied it.  And stayed in bed until 12:55.   At 1:00PM I checked my email.  And now, I'm looking at the clock and realizing that I've only been up for 4 and a half hours.  This is not something I like.  i don't want to sleep so late again.   I had plenty to do, and I have plenty to do still to prepare for my little sister's arrival in NYC - but I don't know, I guess I just felt I could stay in bed that long. 

So much for contemplating my place in this world and my path in it.

The unsinkable taste..

I'm debating on whether or not I should have a bowl of cheerios or take a nap.

exhibit a: the always predictable uterus

Right.  So.   Yes.

I'm thinking of a great pro-uterine, get a grip campaign.   What do you think?

• Deeply introspective and unable to find anything at Bed, Bath, and Beyond?  Could  be your uterus.
• Seeing white spots of anger when your boyfriend/man/whatevs walks BY you instead of touching you upon passing? Could be your uterus.
• RAcing thoughts of YOU DON'T WANT ME HERE SO I'M GOING TO FLIP OUT AND WATCH TV ON THE COUCH AT MIDNIGHT!!"?  Could be your uterus.
• Velveeta Shells and Cheese with a bottle of PInot Grigio sounding really good right now?  Could be your uterus?
• Feel like you have to poop... but you don't?  Could be your uterus.

That's right kids, one of the most annoying organs (or storage compartments) in the female body is a confusing, complicated, and cranky thing.  Sometimes, when you think you're failing life, you're really hungry for falafel, you can't find clothes that fit, you're suddenly very ugly, no one loves you, and that you a fat jackass -- it's really just your uterus talking.   

It is important during these times NOT to:

• send that awful bear trap text message
• push your boyfriend/man/whatevs in bed and ask "do you even want me here?!"
• go to bebe
• walk past bars
• try on that bathing suit again
• look under your boyfriend/man/whatevs kitchen sink

Together, by ignoring the blats of anger and unreal emotion hooted out by the uterus every 20 days, we can make this uterine world a safe place

*brought to you in part by Partners for a happy utey*

Tick tick tick tick...

That's the sound of my independent single employed woman countdown.   Ok ok, I can still be independent, but the truth of the matter is, I'm going to be sharing my space beginning June 1.   Man.  That is freaking me out.   My whole life is going to change in a 24 hour period.   Right now, I'm avoiding packing my room up.   Maybe I'll start with the XBOX, I'll just put the controllers in the box, and look, I've got a box packed!

Blunderwear

I bought the most annoying underwear.  It's annoying the crap out of me.  The GAP continues to fail me at every corner now.   Who puts a seam up the front of a chick's drawers?  Hi, let's force the ole toe.

annoying.

It's going to be ok, right?

Today I looked at the boy all stretched out on the couch (in full recovery mode from last night's events!) and I said, "man, next week is my last full week of work."

"How does that feel?" - he said
"Really weird" - me - "Not scared or sad, just really weird"
"It's pretty heavy" - the boy, confirming my feelings, and making me feel not alone
"yeah.  shoooosh" - me, heavy sighs

It's weird alright.   I'm still not stressed out by it, I'm not scared, I'm not worried.   I'm sort of dropping into this old fog I used to be in.    Not sure what direction I really want to go in, not sure I want to think about it.   One thing I am sure about is that I want to be tanner.    See?  Not really thinking much about the situation.

Security!

I was just completing YET ANOTHER "enhanced security" form.

And I think that security questions are mean!   One set I actually had trouble with because it was all questions like

• where were you married
• what is the name of your eldest daughter
• ... something about moms

what if you're a divorced widowed orphan?  You're totally fucked.

yarg yarg yarg yarg yarg!!

barf barf barf barf barf barf barf!!

ARG ARG ARG ARG ARG!!

I am so frustrated.

scritch scritch scritch

stress makes me scritchy

lastfm lies!

lastfm says I listened to Girls Aloud.

Which I didn't!

LIES!