Right. So. Yes.
I'm thinking of a great pro-uterine, get a grip campaign. What do you think?
- Deeply introspective and unable to find anything at Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Could be your uterus.
- Seeing white spots of anger when your boyfriend/man/whatevs walks BY you instead of touching you upon passing? Could be your uterus.
- RAcing thoughts of YOU DON'T WANT ME HERE SO I'M GOING TO FLIP OUT AND WATCH TV ON THE COUCH AT MIDNIGHT!!"? Could be your uterus.
- Velveeta Shells and Cheese with a bottle of PInot Grigio sounding really good right now? Could be your uterus?
- Feel like you have to poop... but you don't? Could be your uterus.
That's right kids, one of the most annoying organs (or storage compartments) in the female body is a confusing, complicated, and cranky thing. Sometimes, when you think you're failing life, you're really hungry for falafel, you can't find clothes that fit, you're suddenly very ugly, no one loves you, and that you a fat jackass -- it's really just your uterus talking.
It is important during these times NOT to:
- send that awful bear trap text message
- push your boyfriend/man/whatevs in bed and ask "do you even want me here?!"
- go to bebe
- walk past bars
- try on that bathing suit again
- look under your boyfriend/man/whatevs kitchen sink
Together, by ignoring the blats of anger and unreal emotion hooted out by the uterus every 20 days, we can make this uterine world a safe place
*brought to you in part by Partners for a happy utey*
Comments