These are my pants. They are ranting.

Some advice, unsolicited

Don't listen to Arcade Fire to cheer yourself up -- it's actually a desperate hurty sound.

Tick tick tick tick...

That's the sound of my independent single employed woman countdown.   Ok ok, I can still be independent, but the truth of the matter is, I'm going to be sharing my space beginning June 1.   Man.  That is freaking me out.   My whole life is going to change in a 24 hour period.   Right now, I'm avoiding packing my room up.   Maybe I'll start with the XBOX, I'll just put the controllers in the box, and look, I've got a box packed!

I'm too little

One day the boy said to me "you are too little to be this angry".   He said this after my very inconsiderate roommate left a note asking the rest of us to be tidy (mind you, she leaves shit shadows in the toilet, her hair [even the crinkies] is everywhere, she never takes out the trash, she doesn't unload the dishwasher, and her towels smell like 100 year old donkey scrotum).

Today is another one of those days where the complete thankless actions are making me see white spots I'm so irate.   And it's little things.   Little things that are so stupid and so petty and so thoughtless and so bullshit that are making me absolutely red with rage.

Blunderwear

I bought the most annoying underwear.  It's annoying the crap out of me.  The GAP continues to fail me at every corner now.   Who puts a seam up the front of a chick's drawers?  Hi, let's force the ole toe.

annoying.

It's going to be ok, right?

Today I looked at the boy all stretched out on the couch (in full recovery mode from last night's events!) and I said, "man, next week is my last full week of work."

"How does that feel?" - he said
"Really weird" - me - "Not scared or sad, just really weird"
"It's pretty heavy" - the boy, confirming my feelings, and making me feel not alone
"yeah.  shoooosh" - me, heavy sighs

It's weird alright.   I'm still not stressed out by it, I'm not scared, I'm not worried.   I'm sort of dropping into this old fog I used to be in.    Not sure what direction I really want to go in, not sure I want to think about it.   One thing I am sure about is that I want to be tanner.    See?  Not really thinking much about the situation.

In case you were worried

My intestines are back in order.   I went a good 7 days without eating much... or pretty much immediately .. losing whatever I ate.  Now, I'm hungry.

And of course, now that Im hungry, the boy is taking some silly nap and won't answer his phone.

I want him to come over so I can make curry chicken and cupcakes!

Big news, people big news!

Its been a little hectic in the life of the beav.   I haven't blogged about some of it because I'm trying to be responsible and respectful, and do things in a professional manner -- so I may blog later.   But not quite yet.

I can say the following though:

• my position has been eliminated from my team at work and another one in the same org wasn't offered, so I was sort of given this great opportunity to choose what I wanted to do.  I chose not to find another job in the same company that I have been incredibly frustrated by and instead chose to chill out.   Defrost?  Detox is more like it.   I am going to do a lot of soul cleaning and re-arranging this summer and it's going to bubble up something wonderful, I know it.
• I am moving in with the boy, and after being dicked around for a solid week, we finally were able to sign the lease on it.   It should be noted that NYC rental brokers are animals without feelings.   Like wolverines, just snarling and ripping at your esophagus and laughing the whole time.   We landed a beautiful place in the East Village on a quiet street in a sweet ass neighborhood - it's big, it has huge windows that look out on the garden (so I see trees!!) and it's going to be the best little den of sin this city has ever seen.
• I honored my over the border friends by getting a stress relieving Brazilian today.  Needless to say, the other beav is out there and ready to rock.

Big days, right?

Security!

I was just completing YET ANOTHER "enhanced security" form.

And I think that security questions are mean!   One set I actually had trouble with because it was all questions like

• where were you married
• what is the name of your eldest daughter
• ... something about moms

what if you're a divorced widowed orphan?  You're totally fucked.

Finally, time to be creative

I got to be dog sitter sort of yesterday.   I want to say my friends have a hound dog of some sort.  He is so cute.  And lovable.  And he humped my leg.  So really, benefits to all of us!   Anyway, I took a picture of the little fucker with my PHONE (a mint chocolate), did some f'ing around in photoshop, and came up with this little picture (which I've framed and shall be in the hands of my friends shortly):

Health and things

I'm just sort of wondering when I plan to get myself to the doctor.   I am blaming my unfortunate digestive problems on pressure and stress, but we're going on like 5 days now.   blech.